Saturday, 17 September 2011

God sent the Fury didn't cha know!

Today, Tyson Fury, the 6' 9" boxer, was proselytizing in the Belfast Telegraph. Anyone who has watched a Fury fight will know how much this chap loves god and how thankful he is for helping him win his fights in his post-fight interviews.

Here's some of Fury comments to the Belfast Telegraph:

“The ultimate sacrifice has been made for me on the Cross and I could never emulate what Jesus has done for me."

The Seething Primate has a perfect riposte for this. I can do no better. So here it is:

"If you have faith in God you can achieve anything."

You can achieve anything without god too.

“The Bible says that with faith the size of a mustard seed you can move mountains, so if we have faith in Christ you can do anything."

Fury has failed to properly knock out 13 of his 15 opponents so far (TKO doesn't count as the it means the ref has jumped in or the other fighter couldn't continue). If he can't move fat tomato cans what chance does he have of shifting mountains?

“Ask and you shall receive, so I’m asking and I’m receiving — so any problems I have I give them to God and he sorts them out."

Yup. God sorts out all of Fury's problems. In fact, I reckon Fury takes up so much of god's time that he isn't able to get around to less important stuff. Like saving babies in Africa from HIV/AIDS. Or healing amputees. Far too busy for that.

This sense of entitlement makes me sick to be honest. Why the fuck would god want to help Fury cause damage to people and help him earn millions in the process? Twat.

“God is the main thing that drives people even though they don’t realise it. Even those who say they don’t believe in God, because God is speaking to them, they’re very close to their lives being changed."

So now god speaks to people. It's not often that the religious claim this because it makes you look like a loon.
"And I believe God is helping me in my career to help spread the word of Jesus Christ. I have a special opportunity because God has given me the size, the height, the ability to go on and be the heavyweight champion of the world. I never think about damaging someone."

Fury seems to forget that he is the only fighter, in the history of televised boxing, to have punched himself in the face.

If there is a god, then he has a sense of humour at least.


kholdom0790 said...


Sorry to be pedantic, but we do come in both varieties now! :) great post.

vjohn82 said...

Quite right.

Thanks for you comment :)

TkReacher said...

Extremely valid point, kholdom. I had meant to connote a single firefighter and used fireman as a result, but clearly it is unnecessarily male-privileged. I'll edit it in the post.

vjohn82 said...

"This is a man's world, this is a man's world...
But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl" James Brown

Rant In A-Minor said...

Hmmm ... a man whose occupation involves repeatedly taking blows to the head believes in an invisible man who looks after him and assists in his noble profession of bludgeoning other human beings into unconsciousness for the sole purpose of entertaining others.

Damn, that religion sounds like good stuff :)